The Road to Hong Kong

The Road to Hong Kong
1962, United Artists

I’ve been a huge Bob Hope fan for years. Along with movies like The Paleface, Caught in the Draft, The Princess and the Pirate, the Crosby/Hope “Road” movies were some of my earliest exposures to him (not to mention his radio show, but more on that at a later date).

The Road to Hong Kong is the final entry in the “Road” series and was also the last of the “Road” movies I’ve been able to watch (I rented it from Netflix just yesterday). It’s also the only Road movie not released by Paramount Pictures and the only Road movie to be titled with “The Road to…” instead of “Road to…”. The movie was released on DVD a number of years ago but mediocre reviews discouraged me from checking it out though I did plan on buying it at some point. Looks like I missed my turn — the DVD is now out of print but there’s always eBay or Amazon sellers to get it from.

Anyway, all the places are set for the typical zany Road picture: Bob & Bing play a couple of con men buddies willing to scheme on each other just as quick as they would on the unsuspecting public, there’s a group of bad guys that they somehow get tangled up with and along for the ride there’s the beautiful Doroth— No wait, that’s not Dorothy Lamour! That’s Joan Collins!

Yes. After co-starring in the first six Road movies, Dorothy Lamour is relegated to a cameo late in the movie. The reason for this? From all that I’ve read, disappointingly, Bing Crosby was against her being in the movie due to her age (as if he was a spring chicken!). He wanted a younger girl in the lead role. Bob reportedly refused to do the movie unless Ms. Lamour was involved, so a compromise was reached: a new girl would co-star but Dorothy would get a lengthy cameo that involved a song & dance. Joan Collins is cute but to be honest, I still would have taken the then 47 year old Dorothy Lamour!

Looks aside, Joan has zero chemistry with Hope & Crosby. It’s a clash of generations and doesn’t work well. What does work well in this movie is a zany Peter Sellers appearance (he plays a doctor) and the scene with Lamour. Lamour had classic beauty and just class in general. I think Bing severely underestimated her worth to the movies. She was as equally important to these films as Hope & Crosby. They all worked well together.

The movie itself just isn’t too funny and I found myself bored at times. This is no fault of Hope and Crosby. They’re always going to shine through bad material and do well in their scenes but the movie just really wasn’t what I was expecting. The whole movie spoofs the then super-popular spy genre. There’s a group called The Third Echelon that aims to control the world by doing a bunch of evil stuff on the moon. So yes — Bob & Bing end up getting put in a rocket (against their wills, of course) and go into space.

I mentioned the film wasn’t especially funny but the humor is a definitely a bit dirtier. There’s some risqué banter between Hope and Collins near the beginning of the film and the end was just a bit creepy. In the earlier films, Hope and Crosby usually competed for Lamour’s love and sometimes even offered to “share”. It all seemed like innocent fun. By the end of this film, Hope and Crosby convince Collins the good value of “teamwork”, which she seems all too willing to be a part of as they tell her they’ll alternate days with her (“What about Sunday?” “We rest.”). I don’t know, maybe it was always creepy and the age difference between Collins and Hope & Crosby exposes it for what it is.

Overall, the film is okay but definitely the weakest entry in the series. I’m sure at some point I’ll buy a copy just so I can have all of the Road movies on DVD. I recommend it for fans or Bob Hope and/or Bing Crosby but don’t expect it to knock your socks off. An eighth Road movie, Road to the Fountain of Youth (how appropriate), was in the planning stages in 1977 but Bing Crosby’s death put an end to that.

It’s been eight days since my last post. Let’s talk about my Green Lantern wallet.

If you read the title of my post, it should come as no surprise to you that I have not posted in eight days. As Dusty Rhodes might say, “Ah’m at a croth road, eef you weel”. I’ve lost my drive, my passion and my inspiration for keeping this blog ’80s themed. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the ’80s and there’s no other decade I’d rather live in but I can only do so many food, toy, cartoon and commercial posts without getting bored. There’s thousands of blogs just like this out there and we all keep running in circles talking about the same old (literally!) stuff.

I think maybe I got burned out last year doing so many Halloween and Christmas posts. The funny thing is, as I’ve slacked off on posting this year, my views keep rising each month. March 2010 was my second highest month for views. December 2009 is the tops by far though. I had an obscene amount of visits then that I won’t be touching on a regular basis anytime soon.

Besides, I’m having a heckuva time writing for my music blog Metal Excess. That’s really where I’ve been devoting my time. I’ve got big things poppin’ and little things stoppin’ over there. Of course, just as sure as my posting frequency at The Metal Misfit has fallen, I can pick it up again at any moment’s notice and who knows? Tomorrow may kick off a 17 day posting binge so keep me in your thoughts, prayers and Google Readers.

Fighting crime in a future time…

I can’t tell you why but as a kid I used to watch a lot of bad shows (Salute Your Shorts, Count Duckula, Wild & Crazy Kids, Webster, Captain Planet). Shows that I knew were bad. I guess I was a glutton for punishment. Maybe I did it out of loyalty to those networks like The Family Channel or Nickelodeon that catered to kids. Most of these shows fell on the weekend when there was absolutely nothing to do once I had exhausted myself on Nintendo and staged as many interesting battles as I could between my action figures. Going outside? NO WAY! Not really an option most of the time for me! Nossir, I was going to stay inside and watch something I didn’t like. Screw the sun and fresh air.

Well, C.O.P.S. (that’s Central Organization of Police Specialists) was one of those shows I would watch yet didn’t really like. I have to admit though, looking back, they had a pretty good theme song so I at least have a little fondness for that but the show as a whole didn’t grab me. It just seemed a bit too low key. And remember, I’m going purely by memory so if there’s any C.O.P.S. fanatics out there going “WHAT !! The show had TONS of action!!!!!” — don’t kill me. I’m not the biggest scifi fan now and I wasn’t then either. I liked straight up action/adventure shows that didn’t seem too far fetched (the M.A.S.S. Device is possible, right?). Then as a kid I couldn’t care less about noir, so a scifi-noir police cartoon? No thanks, I’ll pass… Is what I should have said.

Even though the show had a short original run from September 1988-December 1988, C.O.P.S. seemed to be everywhere. It was syndicated coming on really early in the morning 5 days a week then it was on either The Family Channel or WGN coming on in the afternoons and it was later broadcast on CBS Saturday mornings in 1993. You see how hard cartoons got milked in those days? A new episode hadn’t been made in FIVE YEARS and CBS was putting it on their Saturday morning lineup. No wonder Saturday mornings have sucked since the ’90s. Anyway, I remember sitting through this show in the afternoons waiting for classics like Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling, Fun House (seriously one of the greatest game shows of all time) and Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Again, I couldn’t take those 30 minutes to color, draw, read or ride a bike. I had to sit and wait for the other shows to begin. The punishment I put myself through before the internet!

Of course, virtually EVERY action ‘toon has to have a total merchandising bonanza so Hasbro introduced the “C.O.P.S. ‘N’ Crooks” line of figures while DC Comics ran a C.O.P.S. comic book for 15 issues. Just like Captain Planet, the toys were too big and goofy to associate with any other figures of the day without having to work some story of gigantism into their history. I did pick up one of these figures though but that’s only because I got him on clearance at Kay Bee Toys because the line wasn’t successful. I don’t have Taser anymore but he was actually one of the cooler looking figures in the line because C.O.P.S. just had a of wacky looking characters. Taser didn’t much crime fighting in my household. Instead, I used him as a giant-sized pro wrestler and had him frequently teaming up with the likes of Big Boss Man, Dick Tracy and Mahoney & Tackleberry from Police Academy.

"If you ever take a trip down to Empire City, you better read the signs, respect the law & order or you'll serve hard time..."

For those of you still interested in the show, there are two volumes out on DVD now available from Shout! Factory. Volume 2 can be purchased exclusively through Shout’s website.

C.O.P.S. – Volume 1 at Amazon.com
C.O.P.S. – Volume 1 at CD Universe

Jack Benny for… Jell-O Freezing Mix Ice Cream ?!?

I’ve had Benny on the brain lately (more on Jack Benny and his old time radio program at another date) and came across this swell little ad. Jell-O ice cream, huh? Okay, doesn’t sound so bad at first if they just slapped their name on some fruit-based ice cream or sherbet but maple walnut “freezing mix”? I don’t know about that…

Ad is from sometime between the mid 1930s and early 1940s back when Jell-O was Benny’s sponsor.

Dudley’s Shake-an-Egg

I think Dudley Rabbit needs to tell Clara Clucker to stop lolly gagging in the kitchen and get back into that hen house to produce some more eggs! Maybe I’m lying to myself but I think I remember doing the Shake-an-Egg thing. That blow up egg is pretty cool but it wouldn’t have last too long in my house as it would surely have fallen to the same fate as all of my bop bags did as the victims of my own reckless abandon.

I almost thought about doing some egg coloring this year. I haven’t done anything like that probably in close to twenty years. I ended up passing on the idea but there’s always next year…