I have STUFF to say about THE STAND UP GUYS, SNITCH and A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD

I watched movies this past week (surprise, surprise)! Here’s what I have to say about them…

The Stand Up Guys
2013, Lionsgate
Buy it at Amazon.com

While I didn’t think this one looked good enough to see in the theaters, I was looking forward to it being released on video. I never watched a trailer for it but I assumed it was going to be more of a comedy about a couple of senior citizens having to commit one last heist. It’s not that at all (but, yes, crimes are committed by old men). THE STAND UP GUYS does have some humorous moments but it’s more of a drama with a sense of impending doom. It’s a somber tale about friendship and growing old. Al Pacino, Christopher Walken and Alan Arkin (who is not in this movie enough) are all great in their roles. It was fine but I don’t necessarily recommend it. It’s too bad this wasn’t more light-hearted because I feel using the premise and the cast would’ve really excelled more as a comedy.

Probably the best thing that came out of this movie was the song “Not Running Anymore”, which was written and performed by Jon Bon Jovi. The song is on the soundtrack for the movie but also appeared as a bonus track on Bon Jovi’s What About Now album.

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Snitch
2013, Summit Entertainment
Buy it at Amazon.com

Snitch was actually a bit better than I’d thought it’d be. It’s a different type of role for The Rock though because he’s not playing a wise-cracking hero. He’s just a dad trying to help his wrongfully jailed son avoid a ten year stretch in the pen. Okay, he’s helping his son by joining a drug cartel so he can get evidence against them but he’s still not playing that typical action hero role. There’s also the B-plot of Jon Bernthal’s character as a reformed criminal helping the Rock’s character get into the criminal world and how he’s dealing with trying to make an honest living and keep his family safe. It’s deep, man.

The movie is fine but gloomy and somber and I’d rather watch the Rock smack a guy upside the head with a 2×4 and crack a joke rather than watch him hug his ex-wife while she’s crying.

By the way, Susan Sarandon’s a total GMILF in this movie.

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A Good Day to Die Hard
2013, 20th Century Fox
Buy it at Amazon.com

This is a generic and ridiculous action movie that does not deserve having the name DIE HARD attached to it. A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD totally lacks the charm of the first three DIE HARD movies. The character of John McClane exists here in name only. You could’ve easily given him any other name and made this yet another direct-to-video release for Bruce Willis. Willis seems to be doing DTV more and more these days… seriously, go check out your local Redbox and count the Bruce Willis movies. He’s in Nicolas Cage/Samuel L. Jackson territory now.

There were a number of ridiculous action sequences in this movie and they relied on CGI too much as well. Die Hard is not about CGI! LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD was not very good and A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD is even worse. It’s time to put this franchise to bed (well, until Fox decides to remake the first one in about 5 years starring either Channing Tatum or Chris Hemsworth, I’m sure). The film did okay at the box office but is the lowest-grossing film in the series. I hope that tells the studio something. I’m definitely glad I didn’t end up going to the theaters for this one.

Oh, and Russia? Seriously?

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Okay, so I didn’t watch great movies or anything but you didn’t pay a dime and no one forced you to read this, so what do you want from me? Hey, stick around — I’ll post my thoughts on Identity Thief and Superman Unbound later this week and then I hope to dive into my childhood once again.

SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER REVIEWS of Iron Man 3 & Star Trek Into Darkness !! [SPOILERS]

Iron Man 3
2013, Walt Disney Studios

With Iron Man 3 being first Marvel movie since last year’s crazy successful The Avengers and the beginning of “Phase 2″ of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you could definitely say “the block was hot” with anticipation for Tony Stark’s latest adventure. Maybe you don’t use the term “the block was hot”, but I like to it toss it around every now and again. I keep it real.

As the title of this post says, there are spoilers. So I’m just going to come out and say that I did not care for how the Mandarin was portrayed in this movie. Look, I understand if you don’t want the Mandarin to be some Chinese guy with ten power rings like he is in the comics. I get it, but I felt a bit cheated that Ben Kingsley’s Mandarin was really a front and an act put together by the film’s real villain Aldrich Killian (portrayed by Guy Pearce). Technically, Killian was the “real” Mandarin but it’s still a bait-and-switch for comic book fans that knew that Kingsley’s Mandarin was based on the comic book Mandarin.

It’s the whole deal with Ra’s al Ghul from Batman Begins all over again: Ken Watanabe looked like Ra’s al Ghul according to the comics, but it was a white guy (Liam Neeson’s character was the “real” Ra’s al Ghul) pulling the strings all along. It’s a decent twist for one superhero movie, but not two. I wonder if anyone even bothered to remind them that something similar already happened in a DC Comics movie.

And I don’t even care that much about Mandarin, I just know he’s one of Iron Man’s biggest arch-rivals and it seems like they combined two villains into one when either Killian or Mandarin would’ve worked fine on their own.

That said, I was really happy with how this movie turned out. The first Iron Man movie was good but the second Iron Man movie was lame (seriously… WHIPLASH??) so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The portions with the kid were a bit too cutesy for me but I think, overall, this is the best Iron Man movie yet. It was great seeing all of the various Iron Man armors in action and I loved that they gave War Machine/Iron Patriot more time in this movie. I could totally see the next Iron Man movie becoming a buddy action movie with Iron Man & Iron Patriot getting equal time. Downey Jr. & Cheadle work well together.

Heck, if the Marvel Cinematic Universe continues to be a juggernaut, they should think about giving Don Cheadle his own movie (though I’d prefer it if he went back to the War Machine name) during Phase 3. I mean, if Ant-Man is getting his own movie, I don’t see why James Rhodes can’t.

Star Trek Into Darkness
2013, Paramount Pictures

Okay, I’m a nerd & geek in someways (certainly not as much as my friend FlowerBoobs) but I’ve never been a huge fan of things sci-fi in nature. Hey, I love Star Wars but that’s always been more fantasy/adventure to me whereas Star Trek I’ve always seen as pure sci-fi. I’ve seen episodes from The Next Generation and even a few of that crews movies and I’ve always found it to be very boring. I even made an honest attempt to get into the ’60s show back when it used to air in the afternoons in my viewing area back in the early ’90s. I couldn’t get into it.

When it was announced that J.J. Abrams was rebooting/revamping/re-imagining/reheating/restarting/rewiring/whatever Star Trek, I could not have cared less. I had no interest in seeing it. Even after people told me it was good, I still didn’t care. It was STAR TREK. Star Trek has never been cool to me. It is its own little geek world that never appealed to me. But, it just so happens that I was convinced to watch 2009 Star Trek movie just last year and as it turns out it was decent. I mean, it didn’t send me into “OMG STAR TREKZ!!!!” mode but it was fine.

When Star Trek Into Darkness was announced, I figured I’d get around to watching it on DVD or Blu-ray and that’d be about it. As fate would have it, I found myself going to the theater to see it (in 3D no less!) during its second week.

I thought it was certainly a lot better than the previous movie. Even as someone who doesn’t know Star Trek very well, I still picked up on a number of references to the original series. But I think it is a bit odd to keep doing that (such as the reappearance of the other Spock). Let this universe stand on its own (as much as it can). And while I’ve never seen Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this is pretty much J.J. Abrams’ take on that movie. Will they go looking for Spock in Part III?

Anyway, the movie was much much better than I ever thought it would be (even if I still can’t stand Chris Pine and found myself actually hoping Kirk had died). Even if you’re not a Trekkie, this is still a movie worth watching.

I now leave you with a photo of Alice Eve in her bra & panties from a scene in Star Trek Into Darkness.

You’re welcome.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation [Movie Review]

G.I. Joe: Retaliation
2013, Paramount Pictures

[WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!]

As a lifelong Joe fan, I was very excited to see the first live-action Joe movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, in 2009. After the initial buzz wore off during the movie, I realized it wasn’t the Joe movie I wanted to see. With a poor cast of characters (Heavy Duty, Ripcord), an even poorer choice of actors (Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans), a silly looking Cobra Commander and those stupid accelerator suits, that film was a mess.

I suppose I can get more in-depth with my disappointment for that film at another time but WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY is that G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a MAJOR improvement over ROC in about every way. There’s a stronger cast of actors and characters this time. The core Joe members in this movie are: Roadblock, Snake-Eyes, Lady Jaye, Flint, Jinx and General Joseph Colton. My only disappointment with the casting there is the guy playing Flint (no, I’m not going to bother to look up his name). I love that Flint is in the movie but the guy playing him is just another pretty boy who doesn’t really give off much of a presence in the movie. It’s the same way I feel about Channing Tatum as Duke.

Speaking of Duke (here’s the SPOILER, folks!), he’s dead about 15 minutes in. As much as I love Duke, if Tatum is going to be the guy playing him, I’m glad he was killed off. When Paramount pushed back the release date of this movie from June 2012 to March 2013 (!!!) the official word was they did it throw in 3D. While that’s perfectly valid, it’s been said they also wanted to add some more scenes with Channing Tatum due to his explosion in popularity and also to avoid getting crushed by The Avengers and The Dark Knight. After seeing the movie, I’m not so sure the Tatum theory really works. He’s a main character for that first 15 minutes but he’s eliminated fairly easily and without much dramatics. I wonder why they even bothered to bring the character back for that.

Other missing Joes after starring in the first movie are General Hawk, Ripcord, Scarlett, Breaker and Heavy Duty. These guys are never seen or mentioned in this movie and we’re to believe the entire Joe force (other than a handful) was destroyed by Cobra right after the Joe team just successfully completed a mission. I’ll assume they were in the background somewhere getting blown to pieces.

On the Cobra side, we have the awesome looking Cobra Commander (looking much more like he did in the cartoon), Zartan still posing as the President of the United States, Storm Shadow and Firefly. Destro only makes a cameo because (true to their relationship in the cartoon & comic books) Cobra Commander leaves him locked up when Storm Shadow comes to free the Commander. I really like Ray Stevenson as Firefly, even if he sounded really silly trying to do what I guess was supposed to be a southern accent. Firefly was incredibly underutilized in the cartoon and while they didn’t stick with the character’s obsession with being anonymous (he mostly walks around without his mask), I still think they did a great job with him in the movie. I think Ray would’ve made for a better Zartan and Arnold Vosloo a better Firefly but they still did well in their roles.

Of course, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson did great as Roadblock, Bruce Willis gave the movie some lighter moments with his portrayal of the original “G.I Joe” General Joe Colton and Adrianne Palicki was gorgeous as Lady Jaye. In fact, I think Palicki would’ve been better suited for Scarlett, much better for that role than Rachel Nichols was. As always, Snake-Eyes was cool and so was Storm Shadow. There’s a great ninja sequence in the mountains that every one seems to have liked.

This is really the movie they should’ve made the first time around. It’s a love letter to the fans of the cartoon instead of a slap in the face like the first movie was. It has a cast of classic Joe/Cobra characters and there’s Cobra H.I.S.S. tanks, Joe A.W.E. strikers, Cobra Water Moccasins, red ninjas, the Blind Master and the classic plot of the Joes being framed as traitors while Cobra Commander attempts to enact some insane plot to rule the world. Retaliation really is a live-action version of the cartoon and I think most Joe fans will be pleased. It’s big dumb fun. Just the way G.I. Joe should be.

Also, it sets up the series to continue with a third movie. Just as in the cartoon, the Commander escapes yet again! I’m looking forward to seeing Destro getting involved again. Either working uneasily with Cobra Commander or going out on his own. Perhaps we’ll see G.I. Joe vs. Cobra vs. M.A.R.S. Industries in the third movie.

My personal wishlist of characters getting introduced in the next film: Beachhead, Low-Light, Gung-Ho, Leatherneck, Wet-Suit, Sci-Fi, Mainframe, Shipwreck & Spirit for Joes and Major Bludd, Tomax & Xamot, the Dreadnoks and the B.A.T.s on the Cobra Side. Plus a return of the Baroness & Destro. I’d love to see the Dreadnoks get introduced and joining Cobra with the intent of getting revenge on Storm Shadow for Zartan’s death. Yes, Storm Shadow is an anti-hero by the movie’s end as they follow the plot-line of Zartan being the one who actually killed the Hard Master.

It’s already being predicted the movie will make about $40 million opening weekend, which is good. Reviews from fans have been good too. I hope we won’t have to wait as long for the third movie.

 

Universal Horrors: The Studio’s Classic Films, 1931-1946 [Book Review]

Universal Horrors: The Studio’s Classic Films, 1931-1946
By Tom Weaver, Michael Brunas, John Brunas
1990, McFarland & Co.

I thought about saving this entry for the 2013 edition of Halloween Scream (even though I took a break in 2012…) but I figured I better talk about this book while it’s fresh on my mind. I can always link back to it later in October.

For the record, I’ll be discussing the 1990 first edition. A second printing was given to the book in 2007 and it apparently features extra artwork and movie posters not shown in the first edition. Either edition you have features some cool movie poster artwork, publicity photos and still shots from the films though.

Second Edition (2007)

At 600 pages plus, this book is not light reading but a great reference tool covering Universal Studios’ contributions during the golden age of horror. Despite the explosion of the internet and websites like Wikipedia and Internet Movie Database I still found this book full of useful information that I hadn’t read anywhere else. All of Universal’s horror movies  from this time frame (and even some that could only very loosely fit under the horror umbrella) are represented and talked about at various lengths. Some of the information covered is fairly standard but in-depth: cast/characters, crew, running time, release date, etc.

Of course, all of the major Universal Monsters are covered: Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolf Man, Invisible Man, the Phantom of the Opera, the Mummy, etc. Then we have other offerings like the Ghoul, the Werewolf of London, the She-Wolf of London, Inner Sanctum Mysteries, the Ape Woman, the Man Made Monster, The Old Dark House, Rondo Hatton as the Creeper, the Sherlock Holmes series starring Basil Rathbone and the Edgar Allan Poe films that starred Bela Lugosi and/or Boris Karloff (Murders in the Rue Morgue, The Black Cat & The Raven). Some of these things are not like the others, I’ll leave it to the reader to decide…

Quotes from the actors and crew regarding the production process and their experiences on the set are also offered up. The authors interject their own personal opinion from time to time. This only bothered me on a few occasions when I thought the authors were being too catty or biased for their own good but overall I actually enjoyed their personal quips and thought more than a few were pretty funny. I’ve read some reader reviews where complaints are made about the authors going off topic. While the authors do tend to wander at times, the topics still deal with old Hollywood so I didn’t see it as much of a problem so I was still interested in what they had to say.

My only real issue with this book is that they didn’t bother to include the movies that starred the Creature from the Black Lagoon (I’ve never been a fan of calling him “Gill-Man”) or the Abbott & Costello monster mashes even though these movies are referenced at one time or another throughout the book. But, I guess if they opened up the book to those movies they’d have to include all of the ’50s sci-fi/monster movies and everything would get way out of hand and they were already stretching the limits of what you could call “horror” with this book.

Then again, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein was released in 1948. I’ve always considered that movie to signify the “end” of Universal’s great horror run. I think ’48, instead of ’46, would’ve been a good cut-off point for the book.

Universal Horrors: The Studio’s Classic Films, 1931-1946 is essential reading for fans of the Universal Monsters and fans of the golden age of horror in general. It’s a well put together collection that is sure to please the Famous Monsters demographic of horror fans. Just don’t expect to get it cheap. It’s going for around $50 new or used on Amazon. Luckily, you can get it on Kindle for around $19.

Buy the book at Amazon.com!

The Day I Watched Four Movies (Unknown, The Last Stand, The Best of RiffTrax Live: Plan 9 from Outer Space, Bullet to the Head)!

Granted, I’ve probably done this before on a lazy day off or on a day that I’ve called in “sick” to work, but I watched three of these films in a movie theater all in the same day and that’s a personal record. I don’t know if that makes me some type of cool movie geek or a lonely, pathetic loser. YOU BE THE JUDGE!

The day was Thursday, January 31, 2013 and here are the movies I watched…

Unknown
2011, Warner Bros. Pictures
Buy the Blu-ray at Amazon.com

I started my Thursday morning off by catching this action/thriller which continues Liam Neeson’s career reinvention from a guy mostly known for work in low-key dramatic features to a late-blooming action movie star. This was the picture Neeson made after the majorly successful Taken. For anyone not familiar with the movie who may be interested, I won’t spoil too much but there is a good twist to the movie towards the end. You may end up drawing comparisons to another action movie character but it’s a premise that works, original or not.

Liam Neeson is just so great in these tough guy roles. If you enjoyed him in Taken, you should like this movie as well. I’m not too fond of January Jones though. I know she’s supposed to be beautiful but she doesn’t seem all that special to me and her acting just isn’t very good. Her name is awesome though.

The Last Stand
2013, Lionsgate

Seeing as how I couldn’t get anyone to see this movie with me, I decided to check out an afternoon showing of this movie by myself. For the record, this is the third movie I’ve seen in the theaters solo. The first one was Slither and the second was The Dark Knight Rises.

To be honest, I wasn’t too sure about this movie. I mean… Just look at the poster. Were they really trying to sell this movie using Johnny Knoxville? I much preferred the original poster that I saw hanging up in the movie theater months before the film debut…

Now THAT is a movie poster that lets you know Arnold is back (he told you he would be) and that he means business! But to be fair, the first poster actually conveys the tone of the movie a lot better. This movie is not an action comedy but there are many humorous, over-the-top moments and those moments come off well. Knoxville actually does a good job as the comic relief but he doesn’t play much of a role until the third act and even then he’s just another supporting character, so it’s weird that he’s featured so heavily on the poster. I guess they were going for that Jackass demographic.

The main villain is a bit weak but The Last Stand is far better than I ever thought it could be. It’s a fun action movie (with tons of blood) that doesn’t take itself seriously. I enjoyed it and I think other Arnold fans will as well.

The Best of RiffTrax Live: Plan 9 from Outer Space
2013, RiffTrax/NCM Fathom Events
Buy the Blu-ray at Amazon.com

ONE NIGHT ONLY SHOWING.  Except for that one time they showed it live back in 2009. I caught this one with a co-worker and her husband. I’m a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 so I would obviously be a fan of RiffTrax as well. Same guys, different name.

This was a re-airing of one of the first RiffTrax Live movies back from 2009. I was fine with this because up until Thursday night, I had only seen live RiffTrax airings of Birdemic and Manos: The Hands of Fate. Sidenote: for some reason, the RiffTrax guys really shine on old bad movies. Newer movies like Birdemic  just don’t seem as inspired.

I’m not going to really comment much on the movie itself because who cares? Just know that it’s a bad movie turned into a hilarious movie by the riffing of Kevin, Mike and Bill. I will say this though, it’s really sad that the great Bela Lugosi, horror icon and the greatest Dracula of all-time, was involved in this picture.

MST3K never did Plan 9 from Outer Space, opting to do more obscure films rather than what is probably the best known “worst movie ever made” (though I suppose the legends of Manos: The Hands of Fate and Troll 2 are becoming equal to Plan 9)! I definitely recommend anyone picking up the DVD/Blu-ray of the live show. And I’m happy to now say I’ve seen the “worst movie ever made”. To be fair, it’s hardly the worst ever. Terrible, yes. But the worst ever? I’ve seen much, much worse through my years of watching Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Bullet to the Head
2013, Warner Bros. Pictures

I’m a huge Stallone fan so when I found out this movie was going to have a 10PM showing right after RiffTrax, I knew I had to go. I’m really digging the idea of 10PM premieres instead of the standard midnight premieres, by the way.

I respect the fact that the new Stallone and Schwarzenegger movies aren’t trying to ignore the fact that these guys are in their 60s now. There’s a number of jokes in each movie about their age and even the movie posters get in on the action with taglines like “Retirement is for Sissies” and “Revenge Never Gets Old”. It’s easier to buy into these movies when it’s acknowledged how ridiculous the whole thing is. Along with The Expendables franchise, these movies are pretty much satirizing themselves but in a good way. It’s like they’re saying, “Yes, we know we’re old. Shut up and enjoy the ride.”

Bullet to the Head is based on a French graphic novel. Never read it, never heard of it and this isn’t some superhero story. Nope, it’s a buddy action/crime thriller that takes place in New Orleans. Sly plays a hitman out for revenge for the murder of his partner. Don’t worry, he’s like a hitman with a heart of gold (kinda). Of course, there were some humorous moments but the film was darker in tone than say The Last Stand. I mean that literally. Most of the movie takes place at night.

Again, I felt a bit letdown by the villains. Could it be that our action heroes are so iconic that anyone who is put up against them just doesn’t seem worthy?

I hate to say it because I prefer Stallone over Schwarzenegger but I liked The Last Stand better than Bullet to the Head. I liked the movie and it’s always great to see Stallone on the big screen but it’s nothing too special. I would still watch this over something like Eye See You, The Specialist or Get Carter though.

But, yes, I’m sure I’ll buy the Blu-ray anyway.