So there’s a list that’s coming out tomorrow (I’ll post a link when it’s up) on Fandango that ranks the ten worst Christmas movies. The New York Times has posted the list itself.
1. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Yes. It’s really, really bad. Only worth watching when it’s the MST3K version. And even they couldn’t salvage it.
2. Silent Night, Deadly Night
Okay, I get that it’s not the Christmas-y feel good, heart-warming tale that people think when they think “Christmas movie” but it’s a fun B-level slasher. As a fan of cheesy ’80s horror, it’s enjoyable because it’s so over the top. You could’ve easily picked any of the sequels instead of this movie but I suppose they didn’t want to dig that deep. If they really wanted a bad Christmas horror movie, they should’ve gone with Christmas Evil.
3. Jingle All the Way
Not really surprised to see this one on the list. It was a bomb at the box office and got horrible reviews. I, too, thought it sucked when I first watched it. As I’ve grown older, it’s become a guilty pleasure but it is by no means essential holiday viewing.
4. Jack Frost
I’m assuming they are talking about the 1996 horror movie (which is bad but didn’t keep me from renting Jack Frost 2: The Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman) and not the 1998 dramedy staring Michael Keaton (which I’ve never seen).
5. Santa With Muscles
A 1996 Christmas comedy starring Hulk Hogan. One critic stated it was directed “with all the enthusiasm of someone going through the motions to pay off a debt.” Ouch. Deservedly makes this list.
6. Ernest Saves Christmas
There are only three Ernest movies worth watching: Ernest Goes to Camp (which is the best), Ernest Scared Stiff and Ernest Saves Christmas. When I was a kid, Ernest Saves Christmas was right up there with Christmas Vacation as something my family would watch every holiday season. I haven’t seen the movie in over 15 years though so maybe it really does suck.
7. Home Alone 3
It’s really amazing how bad and lazy this franchise got. Home Alone is an undisputed classic. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York was a complete cut & paste job but at least it changed the location. Home Alone 3 is horrible. All new characters, same movie. It’s even more of a ripoff of the first movie than Home Alone 2 is. Just inexcusable and it’s really sad that this is the best John Hughes was able to come up with. All of the actors are terrible, especially the kid who doesn’t have an ounce of charm that Culkin did. You just wanna punch him in the face. I don’t even wanna bother with the made-for-TV movie Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House.
8. Deck the Halls
Okay, I can agree with this one. I was actually looking forward to this movie a lot. It looked like it was going to be a fun Christmas comedy full of yuletide hi-jinks. I remember the mall having these huge banners hanging from the ceiling around the holiday season and thinking “wow, this is going to be good!” This is the only movie I’ve ever sat through where I almost fell asleep in the theater. A bunch of stuff happens and none of it is funny.
9. Surviving Christmas
Yeah. Didn’t really work for me either.
10. Christmas With the Kranks
Now, I have a major bone to pick with them over this one. This movie has become a modern classic in my eyes. I saw it in the theaters. I liked it then and I’ve seen it every holiday season since and still like it.