How I accidentally broke my new Darth Vader Christmas ornament but refused give in to my anger and join the Dark Side.

It looks like a crime scene not yet cleaned up. My Darth Vader Christmas ornament lies decapitated and in pieces. It all happened because I swung my jacket onto a stack of books that this ornament and my other recent ornament purchases (Frosty the Snowman and Christmas Vacation moose mug) were sitting on top of. The jacket began to slide off and just as it began its descent to the floor, I remembered — “HEY, MY ORNAMENTS ARE UNDER THAT JACKET AND IT’LL PROBABLY PULL THEM DOWN WITH IT!!!”

I tapped into the Speed Force and reacted. Time began to slow. Even with the risk of running myself to death a la Barry Allen during Crisis on Infinite Earths, I could not, would not stop. All great heroes have to make sacrifices. Except I still wasn’t quick enough. All three ornaments were going down. The moose mug and Frosty I caught, but…

I couldn’t save them all, damn it! I couldn’t save them all…


I was heartbroken. I just bought this ornament last month at Target for $8. How could life be so cruel?


But sadness gave way to anger. I cursed myself, my life and my luck. I was prepared to give in to my anger and join the Dark Side. With a rage that would qualify me for the Red Lantern Corps, I was more than ready to bring my fury to the entire cosmos. Yes, I realize I’m mixing DC Comics in with Star Wars.

By the way, how cool would it for be for Darth Vader to cross over into the DCU and gain a Red Lantern ring? Not that it’ll ever happen since Disney is taking the Star Wars license away from Dark Horse Entertainment and giving it to Marvel Comics.

Eventually, my anger subsided. Why? Well, it was a combination of not feeling well and having to go to work that quelled my unspeakable rage. I knew I had to pull myself together and get my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

This evening, I felt even better about the whole situation earlier when I realized Vader’s head was a clean break. If my Darth Vader Christmas ornament was going to break, you might as well have a clean decapitation.


Kinda eerie, don’t you think?

Maybe Vader’s decapitated head will end up hanging on the Christmas tree this December but I’m certain I can put this to good use 365 days a year.

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