I was walking through Target’s Hallween aisles today and came across this:
Look, I love bacon as much as anyone. The maple variety especially so. But have we gone too far? We already “pumpkin spice all the things”, do we need to “bacon all the things” as well? I don’t want bacon gum, I don’t want bacon mints, I don’t want bacon soda and I don’t want bacon cookies! The frosting is the worst part. Can you imagine how awful that must taste?
Maybe a few years ago I would’ve been tempted to try this but not anymore. People know me for trying all kinds of weird, seasonal gimmick-y food items and I’m sure there will be sites and blogs rushing to post how awesome Betty Crocker’s maple bacon cookies are and how they now have a stockpile of the cookie mix and frosting in their pantry, but I won’t be one of them. Sometimes we come to a line in the sand that we’re not willing to cross. Maple bacon cookies & frosting is that line for me. This one just seems so wrong, folks.
And while we’re on the subject of going too far, let’s talk about these nasty little things:
Hate is a strong word, so let’s just say I vehemently despise candy corn. It has a weird texture and it’s 120% sugar just like marshmallow Peeps. Call them what you will and shape & flavor them however you want: mellowcreme pumpkins, harvest/autumn mix, chocolate, s’mores, caramel, fruit-flavored, caramel apple, green apple, apple pie, whatever — it’s all gross.
Despite the fact that Wikipedia says Brach’s brand of traditional candy corn is the best-selling candy in the United States all year round, I don’t see how that’s possible. I don’t know anyone who claims to love the stuff. I don’t think I ever have. I know people who say they will eat a handful around Halloween, but who is buying so much candy corn the rest of the year? Who sits there in the month of February and goes, “Oh, yeah, I need some candy corn”? NO ONE LOVES CANDY CORN. IT’S TOLERATED AT BEST. People only buy it because it reminds them of their childhood when they were little trick-or-treaters. Then after they eat some they remember that it sucks.
So, knowing that no one loves candy corn, why are so many things getting candy corn-flavored? It’s probably only a matter of time before Starbucks starts serving candy corn lattes!