I’ve lost some, broken some, traded some and probably even have thrown some away but I still have a decent collection of action figures from when I was a kid. While browsing through my tub of figures, I was sadly reminded that not all action figures are created equal. Here’s an assortment of action figures that, from day one, I knew sucked.
For the most part, they didn’t suck because they weren’t cool looking but because their designs left very little room for any action at all.
Marvel Super Heroes, 1990
Doctor Doom! Classic Marvel villain! One of the best comic book villains ever deserved better treatment than this. Admittedly, it’s a very cool looking figure, which can’t be said for a lot of Toy Biz’s early Marvel toys. There are a few things wrong here though. Number one — his arms don’t bend at the elbows. Granted, this wasn’t too uncommon during this era but it drives me crazy to see an action figure who has to walk around like a mummy.
To make it worse, while he can bend his legs at the knees, HE CAN’T BEND HIS LEGS AT THE WAIST. Well, okay, he could if not for that stupid skirt they gave him, which blocks all mobility. Yes, his arms have free range but won’t bend at the elbow but while he can bend at the knees he has no range of motion with his legs. Maybe the designers thought Doctor Doom was a robot and could just shuffle along like C-3PO.
I guess he can do some yoga. Cobra pose, anyone?
At least his “power driven weapons” action feature was kinda cool. You crank that little handle on the back and his right hand starts turning. His accessories were a drill and a rotor wheel (of course, I lost both many years ago). I’ve never known Doc Doom to run around like he’s the killer in Slumber Party Massacre, but okay. He usually just casts spells, shoots lasers and sends robots after people.
But with these accessories he can help your with your home improvement and then fan you off after a hard day’s work!