A Cereals From Beyond special investigative report!
I’m sick of wishing for old foods to be put back into production. Apparently, these evil corporations are only interested in making goods that will turn a profit and they aren’t too concerned with nostalgia. Well, screw’em. When the going gets tough, the tough get going and I’m the toughest of all. I almost feel like a mad scientist doing this! So standing in for Marty Feldman’s Igor will be Honey, my chihuahua.
Certainly, at the top of my list of discontinued food wants is Ralston’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal. I’ve actually had the idea to do this for MONTHS, but sheer laziness and a tight wallet prevented it. It’s a pretty easy-to-gather cereal though: sweetened “ninja nets” (basically Rice/Corn Chex) and marshmallows. It seems like such a simple and wonderful combination that I’m surprised there isn’t a Marshmallow Crispix or Chex on the market today, but then I guess that would kinda kill their “wholesome and good for you” image they’ve got going on.
I knew that it was up to me and that I would require TWO cereals so that I might take the marshmallows from one and the Chex-like portion of the other to combine them into ONE truly awesome cereal.
The specimen I will attempt to bring back to life.
Well, with a hope and a prayer, some unbridled enthusiasm and a few extra bucks in my pocket I made my way to the local Kroger grocery store (or as I like to call it “the market”) in order to search for the two perfect cereals I would need to combine. I scoped out the cereal scene. I cruised up and down the aisle, sizing up anything with potential, looking to get my fix as if I were an out-of-town businessman on the Sunset Strip looking for a little “company”. Much like the out-of-town businessman, I decided to get the most bang for my buck by sticking with the Kroger brand and selecting two completely competent (if not dazzling) items: Honey Nut Bitz and Marshmallow Treasures.
I thought the hardest part for this homemade TMNT concoction would be finding something that would come close to the “sweetened ninja nets”. Getting the ninja nets would be no problem. Chex (or a knockoff) would easily do. But sweetened? I wasn’t sure how I was gonna pull that off. Thankfully, the good people at Kroger were ready with Honey Nut Bitz, which are sweetened with honey & almond flavors. It’s been 20 years since I’ve had the original TMNT cereal (geez, I feel old), but I’d hazard to guess Honey Nut Bitz are a pretty accurate stand-in.
No worries on getting the marshmallows, tons of cereals are out there and Marshmallow Treasures just happened to be the cheapest. I almost went with Lucky Charms, but marshmallows are marshmallows and the cheap S.O.B. in me won out. To twist a popular phrase to fit the theme of this post: same marshmallow, different shape. The marshmallow bits may not be turtles, but the only way you ever really know what kind of marshmallow shape you’re staring at is when you read it on the box anyway.
Oh, boy. This is becoming waaaaaaaaaaaay longer than I intended it to be and I’ve got a good deal many pictures to show ‘n’ tell! So let’s call this part one and you can look for part two in the next day or so! In the meantime, get hyped with this…
Episode II now available!